Adie Wagner

Over several messages, spanning the last few weeks, miss Wagner took the time to share many of the things that she has gone through since the fateful Summer evening at Davies two years ago when she tore her ACL. I'm certainly biased but it's worth reading to the end and sharing to those who know her, have been in the same situation or both!

Once more, thanks for taking the time to share as much as you did!

But that's enough from me, here's what she had to say

The last two years have been filled with ups and downs. The first injury was the unknown and not knowing what would come next or how to get through it, but I had a great support system at home and with my MSUM coaches & team so it was exciting to finally get back on the court in the fall of last year.

Then it happened again.

The second injury was a darker time, mentally more then physically. The second surgery was with a different surgeon and I could tell right away it was a stronger, better knee afterward. The first one was a repair but the second one was a reconstruction. The doctor took a new tendon from my quad instead of patella and cleaned up my MCL during the procedure because it was pretty beat up also.

Mentally it was harder looking at another year of sitting, not knowing my future with MSUM and a little bit of anxiety came in.  Going from a 3 sport, year round athlete, doing a lot in my spare time to not doing anything again was really hard. Once I was able to get moving independently it slowly started to get better.

I did find out that there are a lot more athletes going through this than I thought. I had younger athletes reach out to me to see how it was and what to expect. Some parents of younger area athletes reached out and asked how they could help their children. People I played with and against also reached out to see how the process was or if it was similar to their own. While in the MSUM training room I met athletes from every sport in the same situation. So it kind of opened up a support group in a small way where you would hear you weren’t alone and the success stories after their recovery were nice to hear instead of constantly having to talk about the down side. The biggest positive was probably helping younger athletes and their parents navigate it and understand that it wasn’t the end but just a bump in the road.

I had to have some pretty tough conversations with coach about my future at MSUM but a ton of relief came with her telling me she still wanted me as part of the program, whatever that meant whether in a playing capacity or in another, but the understanding was that I would need to come back at 100% and work for my time because the team had to move on for two seasons without me on the court, so I would need to come back and work to catch up.

I completely understood their position and decided it was worth trying to rehab once more. That was my decision and that’s a decision that everyone has to make on their own and for themselves.

 I’ve talked to players that reached the previous level but won’t do certain moves anymore because that’s how they injured themselves and I’ve talked to people who tried to reach the previous level but it just was too mentally hard. The biggest thing is the mental side and regaining confidence. I do better when I’m not reminded constantly that I must get back to a certain point. I tend to be back in a zone but then if it’s brought up my mind goes back to that place, so I try stay away from that conversation.  

In this time some people I knew decided to walk away from playing and I understand how hard that was. Once I knew I was still wanted and able to stay with the team the anxiety and uncertainty left and the recovery process was much easier. So my positive from that standpoint is having the hard conversations and learning from them. My advice was talk to your family, doctors, coaches and yourself, and decide what’s best for you. Just because you may not be able to play doesn’t mean your time in a sport is done because there’s lots of ways to stay involved, but you have to communicate through it all. I’m not someone who likes to stay sitting or stay sad so I just got going on rehabbing and coaching younger teams and cheering on my team. Boredom is not my thing so I had to be creative and get involved however and wherever I could. I was able to stay active in basketball by coaching an FM Fierce team, which is the travel team program I played for.

For two seasons it wasn’t easy to sit on the bench but what you have to do is find the upside in that so I was able to really listen and watch and learn from my teammates and coaches. When you are playing you are on the court doing what you need to do but when you are on the bench it’s a great opportunity to really soak in what is going on, from coaching to behind the scenes and that has been a big positive for me. You can learn that something you didn’t agree with while you were on the court actually had a reason or process behind it you were unaware of and then it makes more sense. Watching the process and the game you learn to see things differently and analyze things differently. I’ve really learned a lot from the coaches in that capacity, from coaching to everything that goes into a team like travel, finances, recruiting, but mostly communication and why things operate on and off the court they way they do. I’ve always had a good on-court IQ and never really had to pay attention to the other side of the game because I was always on the court so it has been a positive for me to be able to soak up the processes off the court from every aspect. I’m a Phy Ed major and want to coach eventually so it became a practicum for me to learn for my return to the game and for my future.

I have always coached a little here and there. When I was younger I didn’t consider becoming a coach because I always saw myself playing but as I got older and helped with camps and travel teams I found out I do like coaching and it’s something that keeps me involved in the sports I love. I knew I’d always be in sports or involved with sports but wasn’t sure exactly how so it wasn’t so much something I planned but it wasn’t unexpected either. I’ve been really lucky to have really good coaches since I started playing so I want to be that coach for others.

When others have asked me what I did to get through it or what advice I have I’ve told them you have to try stay positive but there are times you feel down and that’s ok, you have to trust the process – really trust the process and do the work. If you really love a sport and want to get back it takes determination and a support system that believes in you and wants you to succeed.

Find other ways to be involved and don’t let anyone convince you that you shouldn’t or can’t come back.

I don’t know how rare it is for someone to come back but I do know we talked with my surgeon he said the amount of ACL injuries and re-injuries has gone up a ton. Mostly due to athletes playing year-round, doing harder workouts more often, and pushing ourselves more and more. Second time injuries seem to be more common also. There are some that come back without issue and others that come back and continue to re-injure themselves and others who just decide with the first or second injury that it’s time to quit. It’s a tough decision no matter what but I’ve talked to both, some who return with success and others who decide it’s time to move on. For me it I know I must try. If I can come back and play that’s great but if I can’t then I know I tried. Reaching the previous level is also all over the board.

I had another parent reach out this last week with an athlete who tore their ACL wondering what advice I have or what information I can share to help and Ialways go back to trust the process and trust yourself. You have to tune out what others think or what they say so that leads to those of us that have gone through it reaching out to one another to support each other or talk about what we think or if we’re having the same pain or whatever. I like helping others or talking to them to help them through the process because I do know how hard it is and if I can ease their mind a little I know how helpful that can be.

I’m super excited to get back to playing and my knee feels stronger than ever. It has been a long road but it hasn’t been all bad or negative. I’m now at the point where I will be cleared to do more on the court and have been shooting and working out on the court more so my plan is to be back this fall. I try not to think about the moment I’ll get back on the court but we talk about it, me and my family or coaches or others and it makes me a little nervous and gives me a little anxiety because it’s been so long but I know it’ll feel good when I do and I just have to take it day by day. There’s no guarantee when I’ll get back on the court or for how long but I know I want to and I’m hoping it’ll be a lot of muscle memory that comes out. I’ve started working with my private coaches and doing a lot of shooting, so fingers crossed. My goal is to get out there and contribute to the game and my team and stay healthy. I’ve had people say they’ll be there for that first moment, a lot of people, but I kind of want to ease into it too and not add the stress of everyone watching me but I know it’s only because they’re cheering me on and have been on this road to recovery with me.

I’ve been fortunate in that I have a great group around me, from people that have known me since I started, my current coaches and team and new people I’ve met through MSUM that have approached me to tell me they’ve watched me since I was little and can’t wait to see me back. Those are the things you have to remember when you’re sitting alone and wondering what your future is going to be.